No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some-
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again.

Water

Come in close now

Let me see your face
Soon they'll notice you're not in your place
Gone without the trace.

Bus stop blues

I have a routine. Each morning, I transit at Hongseong bus terminal and have my morning coffee. It is the most tranquil time of day as I am alone. Yet it is this solitary hour that allows my mind to wander. 

This morning, I happened upon this Buzzfeed article. Whilst many of the points were superfluous to me, there were a few that stuck out like sore thumbs:

11. To question the culture that you were brought up in.

12. To respect the culture that you were brought up in.

Having been born into western society, but brought up with eastern values, I have always felt at war with myself. Traditional Chinese culture dictates that we follow our traditional gender roles; women are to be elegant, poised and submissive to their husbands whilst men are to provide for their families with no exception. Purity, respect for authority, filial piety and loyalty to the family are also held to utmost regard. If any of these were broken, it would bring immeasurable shame not only to yourself, but also to your family name.

But I hate the rigidity of these values. I hate how they 'dictate' how a proper woman/man or being should be or how they should act. I hate how these values serve to segregate people rather than unite them.

Nevertheless, these are the values that have brought my family so much closer together. No matter how dire my situation or how desolate I feel, I know that my family will always be there to catch me when I fall.

-

And so I began to feel homesick. So much so that I began to cry. 

15. To realise just how much you value your family.

16. And just how much you need your friends.

I began to realise just how much I missed everyone back home. I miss their embraces and their constant chatting and bickering. I miss sitting at Observatory Hill Park and just watching the sunset. I miss laughing at the most mundane things over frozen yoghurt and coffee. I miss brunch. I miss watching dramas silently with my mum. I miss my dad's awful cooking and my brother's constant phone calls and stupid racist text messages.

It has definitely been an emotional roller coaster thus far. But alas, this was my decision and I will make the most of it. 

17. To learn how to make new friends.

18. To wonder how you didn’t know these new friends all your life.

20. So you can say you did.

23. To know where you’ve come from.

24. To know where you’re going.

36. To fill your journal with memories.

37. To take pride in the moment, and not worry about documenting it.

42. To meet fascinating new people.

43. To realise that people might find you fascinating too.

Though, one thing I have learnt, is that no matter how much you have settled into your new environment, there is no place like home.

But for now, I will definitely soldier on without turning back.

sl

.

Daydream delusion

limousine eyelash

oh baby, with your pretty face

drop a tear in my wine glass

look at those big eyes

see what you mean to me

sweet cakes and milkshakes

I'm a delusional angel

I'm a fantasy parade

I want you to know what I think

don't want you to guess any more

you have no idea where i came from

you have no idea where we're going

lodged in life

like branches in the river

flowing downstream

caught in the current

I’ll carry you

you'll carry me

that's how it could be

don't you know me

don't you know me by now?

Have you watched the movie 'Before sunrise'? If you haven't, you should well and truly get on it. The above poem is one of my all time favourites and was spontaneously written by a river-side poet in the movie (well spontaneously in the movie's time frame). 

I feel that it sums up the daydream delusion that has been the past 5 weeks or so of endless travel, orientations, people and lectures. Whilst lost in translation for the most part, rest assured that we are all in this together. We've all been thrown in the deep end and have found ourselves caught in the current. 

But flow with it. 

Like the fox in The Little Prince, we have 'tamed' one another and forged bonds with people from all walks of life; I'm sure that we'll all be carrying and supporting each other through the journey that is TaLK. Remember that it is truly the experiences and memories that we share with the people around us that give meaning to our mundane lives.

sl